When in doubt, TAP it out!

I am a tapper. There are so many other kinds of dance I've studied in my life. Tap is so different though, because it becomes a part of you to the point where it defines you. It's like, not just another genre of dance. It is it's own separate entity.

That probably didn't make sense...sorry.

Okay, lemme try to explain it this way. There are ways that dancers define themselves. (ie. I am a contemporary dancer; I am a modern dancer; I am a ballet dancer; I am a hip-hop dancer; I am a tap dancer.) And it always seems like you can -- if you're really looking for it -- tell what a dancer's core training is. Their modern movements always have a tiny hint of the angularity and pulse of a hip-hop dancer, or the tiny hint of épaulement and emphasized turn out of a ballerina. But other than an impeccable sense of timing and rhythm (which most every dancer has anyways), you probably couldn't pick out a tapper from a crowd of dancers.

And that, I think, is why tap is so vastly different conceptually. Because it is so vastly different in practice, from all other styles of western dance. It is also, I think, why tap is so often undervalued.

Without tap I would die. I would seriously just stop existing.

When I was little I took tap in combo classes. Our classes were 45 minutes (I think...it was many moons ago) and we would have half an hour of ballet or jazz, then 15 minutes of tap, all in the same class. Back then, I was not a huge fan of tap. It was okay, but I just didn't really care. So when I was 8, I decided to just stop taking it. I didn't feel I needed it.

But then, I saw how much my sister enjoyed tap. And I loved watching the placement tap dances in our studio's recitals. And I began regretting quitting tap. It looked like so much fun. So, when I was 12 I started again, taking a super, super beginner-level tap class. I still had a decent amount of the tap vocabulary, and I remembered a decent percentage of the basic moves. Within a few weeks my teacher at the time -- Miss Rian -- asked if I thought I could handle moving up into one of her higher level (but still not placement) classes. I gave it a shot. And I LOVED it.

The next year I got accepted into the placement 1 tap class. And from there I kept moving up, and I really started to get addicted to tap. After I had been in the top placement level for at least a year, my teacher at that point -- Miss Amber -- started a tap company at our studio. The studio already had a pre-professional Repertory (Rep.) company, a hip-hop company called Ensemble, and a performing gymnastics company called Exhibition, so Tap Co. joined the ranks. I had been a part of each of these different companies at some point, but Tap Co. really stuck with me.

As much as I love all dance, I cannot live without dance in general, there are some days when I just don't feel like going to classes. But I have never felt that way about my tap classes and our company time. When I would have a crappy day and have a ballet or modern class to go to after school, I would often feel like, "ugh, I don't want to have to go to dance today. It's just such a hassle. I don't feel like moving. etc." But on days when I would have tap class and Tap Co., it was always more of "Geeze, this has been such a crappy day. I can't wait to get to tap."

I don't know if they're going to read this or not, but in case they do, this next part goes out to my former tap teachers.

Miss Rian,
Thank you so much for everything you taught me. You really helped to reignite my love for tap, and that means so much! <3

Miss Amber,
You made Tap Co. into a family at a time when everything else felt so disconnected. With all of the injuries and disappointments I had to face in the last couple of years, I felt like a lot of people had just plain given up on me. But you never did, and that was so important to me. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for that. <3
 

Two steps forward, one giant grande jete back...

I seriously envy those dancers who have never had and injury ever. They have no freaking clue how incredibly lucky they are.

I rolled my left ankle (read: bad ankle) in a rehearsal tonight. One second I was doing a triple coupe turn and the next I was lying on the floor. Now, it's not really bad or anything. Worst case scenario it's a first degree and I just need to ice it, rest it, and take it easy in my dance classes for the next couple days. The worst part about the whole thing was that it was at the end of the rehearsal and it was supposed to be the last run thru of the dance before we gave up the UC studio. So there were about a million people waiting to use the studio who saw me bite the ground.

Okay, so it wasn't a million. But it was like fifteen or so people, and that's still not the most ideal of situations.

I've said it a hundred times, but I'm just sick of this. Even after my multiple sprains, and a surgery, and months of PT, it's still a liability to me. It pisses me off.

I'll be fine. I am fine. I'm just pissed and in a mood to rant. Lo siento.

Different people, different priorities

Recently, a surprising number of girls I just graduated high school with have been getting engaged and married.

My first thoughts? :

I just don't get it! Why in the world would you get married straight out of high school? Why not go off to college, establish your career, travel a million places, have a million awesome experiences before settling down!? It just doesn't make sense to me.

But then again, it's not me. It's them. It's their lives, and experiences, and dreams. They are different people with an entirely different set of priorities than I have. I have trouble thinking outside of my own head sometimes. Understanding others. Other people's thinking just doesn't compute for me.

I have been obsessed with dance and performing since the second I first set foot on a stage when I was three years old. I get really tunnel-vision-y sometimes. All I can think about is "My career. My career. My career." And I think that's just how I am. My career will always be the most important thing to me.

Most little girls dream of getting married and having kids. Not me. It's just never really been a goal of mine. Of course, when I was little I guess I probably assumed I'd get married and have kids someday. But it was just never that big of a deal to me in the grand scheme of things. So now that I'm "an adult" and I'm "in the real world" (but not - as my sister puts it - in the real, real world) I quite frankly don't give a crap if I get married or not. I know that I don't really want kids. But getting married? Meh. It'll happen or it won't.

But that's what makes me so different from these girls I see getting married just months out of high school.

For me, it's : Career first. Everything else second.
For them, it's : This is my life. This is how I want to live it. I love this person and cannot imagine a life without them.

It's truly just a matter of having different priorities.

If you are one of those girls I'm referring to, I can't say I understand your priorities, but I most certainly respect them. So congratulations! I wish you nothing but the very best, and I hope that you and your husband/fiancee have a long and happy life together!