It does not do to dwell on tattoos

I plan to get at least one tattoo this summer. There are two that I know I want, but I don't know if I want to get the other this summer, or if I can financially justify getting both this summer.

I am the only one in my family who likes/wants tattoos. Neither of my parents like them at all, and I think my sister kind of likes them in moderation but would just never want one herself. So I've been facing a lot of disapproval lately about it from my family and I think I'm writing this post mainly to justify myself to them.

I've always wanted to get a tattoo, even when I was little, but with maturity my opinion about them has changed. I know getting a tattoo is permanent. I know that whatever I get now, I will still have when I'm 85 years old. I know that being a professional dancer and having tattoos can sometimes be frowned upon. However these days it is much more widely accepted, and in fact I personally know, and know of quite a few professional dancers with small tattoos, and even several with large tattoos. Also, the tattoos I want have real meaning to me, so it's not just like I plan to go into a tattoo shop, pick a picture of a flaming skull off a display on the wall and have it stamped on me for all time. I want them to actually serve a purpose and serve as constant, permanent reminders to me.

The first one I want to get is the phrase "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." on the right side of my ribs. It is my favorite thing that  Dumbledore says to Harry in the first HP book. It will also constantly remind me to make the most of every moment. Dreaming is a great thing to do, but if your dreams of grandeur are keeping you from appreciating what you already have, then they do more harm than good. I tend to dream of grandeur, so I need a reality check every once in a while. I am also aware that with this being a rib tattoo, it is going to hurt. Big. Freaking. Time. Rib tattoos are exceedingly painful, so this is yet another reason why I'm not taking this lightly.

The second tattoo I want is a little smaller and will hurt significantly less. I want to get the letters D.F.T.B.A. on the inside of my left wrist. For those not in the know about this particular initialism (Yes: initialism. Acronyms spell out something pronounceable like "N.A.S.A.") D.F.T.B.A. stands for Don't Forget To Be Awesome. This is a tattoo that I would see all the time and would mimic the bracelet I currently have that has these letters on it, and that I always wear on my left wrist. Whenever I am facing something challenging like an audition or a difficult rehearsal (read: rehearsals with Miss Johnson or people like her) I glance at my bracelet and it gives me the courage to take a deep breath and deal with whatever I have to. As small a thing as this may seem, I am extremely phone shy, and whenever I have to call to make a doctor's appointment or something equally important, I freeze up. But when I look at my wrist to the letters D.F.T.B.A. I'm able to find the guts to make the important call.

My mom would KILL me if I ever got a tattoo on my shoulders or across my back, because as she always says, "Those are the tattoos that you can't possibly cover up in a wedding dress someday." I have no problem conceding that. I know that my parents will probably never fully approve of my having tattoos, but the most I can hope for is that they will at least understand now why I want them.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen!

Another insomnia-inspired post.

As I sit here eating improvised smores (nutella instead of chocolate....we were unfortunately out of chocolate) I think back to last night. I was having a late night conversation with my bestie Amber, and we began to talk about Lady Gaga.

I do not usually buy into pop music. It's good for dance classes and sometimes choreography, but it's not really my taste.

Except for Lady Gaga. There is something different about Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta's music.

Maybe it's because she's classically trained, maybe it's subliminal messaging hidden beneath her lyrics, swaying me to love her songs. More likely it is the non-subliminal messaging in her music. The lyrics themselves.

"I'm beautiful in my way
'cause god makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way"

 The lyrics of her song Born This Way speak directly about being confident in the body and personality you were blessed with. Ignoring race, gender, religion, or orientation. It may just be me that feels this way but when I hear positive messages I get happy. Call me weird, but whatever.

Beyond her lyrics, her iconic fashion choices may seem insane (Seriously? A meat-dress? It's not just weird because I'm a vegetarian.) but I do believe there is a method to her madness. As my dad always says "she knows how to work the system". Which I agree with. She has made herself so iconic and gained a following of millions of people in the matter of a couple of years. But even more than the money-making, fame-gathering side of things, I think her ridiculous fashion choices reach deeper than that.

It has become more than crazy fashion, and become even a culture of self-accepting fashionistas. With the courage to step out the door in a headdress of horns or a dress made of tin-foil, one expresses a certain peace with oneself. When you catch to world off-guard they never know quite how to respond, which builds a sort of immunity. A fashion force field.

So basically I'm really beyond the negative messages the world constantly regurgitates at the general public. Give me something positive. Give me some Gaga.

There's nothing really sweet about bittersweet

This is a bittersweet day. I just performed my last recital with my dance studio of the last 15 years, and now I am done. I gave them everything that I had to give; money, energy, time, blood, sweat, and so many tears, and now I am done.

I am sad because for the first 13 years that I danced there, they nurtured my love for dance, they helped me grow and appreciate hard work. They made me feel like part of a family.

I am happy because for the last 2 years, my life there has been a living hell. I have been made to feel stupid, excluded, unworthy, unskilled, unloved, unappreciated, misunderstood, patronized, fat, and just plain sad.

I am glad that it's over........but I wish that they hadn't made me glad that it's over.