Just Kidding!

If you will recall, in my last post I listed a whole bunch of things I missed about home, and how I only had to wait three more weeks until Thanksgiving.

Well that was a load of bull-crap.

Because...... I WENT HOME THE NEXT DAY!!!

In fact, I had been planning to come home that weekend for about a month! Friday morning I got up at 7am and took a cab to Union Station where I got on the Megabus and left Chicago at 9am. I got into Columbus around 5pm Ohio-time and then went to the final Buckeye Valley football game of the season. All of my marching band friends thought I wasn't coming home until Thanksgiving (because that was the straight-up lie I'd been feeding them all on Facebook for weeks) so when I got there they kind of freaked out. My friend Maddy ran down the steps of the bleachers before skipping the last two steps and jumping -- quite literally -- on my face. My friend Sydney literally did a double take when she saw me. And I got to see their amazing half-time show for the first time! The next day I went into town and I got to see my friend Cara for a bit, and I got to surprise Knox by going to his band's show that night. His mom had told him that they had to stop by my house on the way to the show so my dad could buy one of the band's new shirts to send to me. But it was really to pick me up to go to the show. Which, by the way, was awesome.

Basically this past weekend was freaking fantastic.

And now -- for real -- it's only three weeks until I'm home for Thanksgiving. Then once, I'm back after Thanksgiving it's only three weeks until Christmas break starts.

I can handle three week increments.

Things I miss.

This is just gonna be a super short post.

Basically I'm home sick. I have three more weeks until I can come home for Thanksgiving and at this point I'm practically counting down the days. So I think I'm just going to make a list of some of the things I miss.

I miss my friends.
I miss marching band.
I miss my Guardies (my color guard girls) <3.
I miss spending my Friday nights with the aforementioned marching band and Guardies.
I miss the smell of fall.
I miss seeing cornfields (I seriously thought I'd never say that).
I miss show choir.
I miss going to metal shows and such.
I miss trees. Like, real trees. Not the occasional tree in the middle of the sidewalk. Like, forests.
I miss my sister.
I miss HP-Ohio and Harry Huddles.
I miss my house.
I miss my bed.
I miss Goat, my fish.
I miss going to the Mean Bean get coffee to write blog posts.

Three weeks...I can make it!

I think.

Changes

Starting in January of next year I think I am going to be abandoning this blog. My goal was to blog for a year and as of December 31, 2011 I will have accomplished that goal.

I will not be abandoning blogging as a whole -- I surprised myself with how much I enjoy blogging -- just this specific blog. (I will introduce my new blog URL closer to the end of the year.) I am also going to be consolidating my YouTube and Gmail accounts. Right now I have 2 YouTube accounts that are subscribed to essentially the same set of channels, and 3 Gmail accounts thanks to my Columbia email address being via Gmail.

I also hope to use my winter break to download and get familiar with a good video editing software. Then, hopefully, I will start vlogging on my primary YouTube channel. (I will also provide that username -- to anyone who wants to follow my vlogs -- closer to the end of the year.)

I have some other plans in the works but they're going to require some more thinking and planning before I know if they'll work out for sure.

<3 Alicia

Are YOU a Nerdfighter!?

If not, you should be. 

I'll let John and Hank take it from here...

Thank you John and Hank.

I am a Nerdfighter. I've introduced a lot of people to the concept of Nerdfightaria but with a lot of my friends I don't think it's really stuck. I've shown them this video when they've asked what a Nerdfighter is, I've explained my DFTBA bracelet and what DFTBA means when they've asked, I've explained Wizard Rock when they've asked. And while my friends always say things like,  "Oh my gosh! That's so cool. These guys are awesome! Etc." I don't think they ever watch another Vlogbrothers video again. Which is fine. I mean, if they don't want to visit YouTube once in a while to check up on Nerdfightaria, then that's totally their choice and totally fine. I don't hold it against them or anything. It just sometimes makes me feel like there's this world -- and is in fact, a whole other world -- that means the world to me and the people who mean the most to me just aren't interested at all. Kind of like how I feel about chemistry: It's fascinating and I appreciate it's use and place in my life, but I don't care to learn about it or pay attention to it...ever.

The internet has changed my life. I would not be the girl who LOVES being a geek, and decreasing worldsuck, and tries to NFTBA (Never Forget To Be Awesome), and likes to "positive prank" (ie. Ding-ding ditching but leaving a package of tootsie-pops on the doorstep), if it weren't for the internet.

This is something that means so much to me that I can't even imagine how it can't mean anything to everyone else in the world. GAAAHHHHH! FRENCH THE LLAMA it makes me frustrated!

But that's just this Nerdfighter's opinion.

DFTBA

There are bad times.

* Disclaimer: I usually don't curse in my blog. And when I do, I usually stick to the ones that the Tonight Show wouldn't have to bleep out. But this post is especially personal, so I'm not censoring any of my honest thoughts. And sometimes my honest thoughts would have to be bleeped out on the Tonight Show.

There are times:

When I feel fat.
And then I think "You shouldn't feel that way. You're not."
But then I look at the dancer next to me and I think, "God. I look like a fucking Snorlax compared to her."
And then I think "But I'm really muscular. That's all it is."
But then I look at myself in the mirror, "Then why the hell can't I get my developés higher!?"
And then I think "My friends would KILL me if they knew I honestly thought I was fat."
So I'm never allowed to say it.
Even though I think it.
It's not fair.
It's especially taboo because I'm a dancer.
Which apparently makes me "automatically skinny and in shape."
Which is bullshit.

When I feel like I could help if you'd only let me.
And then I remember that you won't, because you're too fucking stubborn.
It gets better if you let it.
But you won't let it.
Bastard.


When I hate you.
For not shutting the fuck up already.
For being so shallow.
For asking me stupid questions.
For calling yourself fat, because it reminds me how insecure I am.
For straightening your hair. It makes you look like a douchebag. Which you are.
For being so far away.
For being so much like me.
For taking your life for granted.
For not letting go of the past.

When I hate myself.
For letting you get to me.
For not having perfect pirouettes.
For having fucked up knees.
For being this far away.
For my reflection.
For when I can't take a joke. Which happens a lot.
For not letting go of the past.
For being a hypocrite.
For being shy.
For tricking so many people into believing I'm not shy at all.
For being terrified of getting injured again.
For quitting gymnastics.
For quitting violin lessons.
For quitting piano lessons.
For feeling I'm fat.
For apologizing for feeling fat.
For not making changes sooner.
For this blog post.

When I want to cry.
But I can't.
Because I learned to fight back tears so well.

When I'm terrified.
That people will ignore me.
That I'm not special.
That I'm not pretty.
That people will give me "that look" when they find out how much I love Harry Potter.
-Or Doctor Who.
-Or Star Wars.
-Or Disney Princesses.
-Or dinosaurs.
That I'm not a good enough dancer.
That I don't work hard enough.