In which Alicia cannot sleep and is therefore quite pissed off

It's 4:20 in the morning. I have tried - and failed - to fall asleep for the last hour or so. Granted that means I only started my attempts at hibernation at about 3am. I don't function on a normal sleep schedule! Wanna make something of it!? Okay, sorry, I'm still kinda pissed, and cranky, and tired.  Yet sleep evades me.

Not only am I irked because I cannot sleep, but also because I am not currently in the presence of one of my best friends. I know why I can't sleep, and I know how I could fix this problem. I have too much on my mind and I need to vent. This is not the kind of venting that can be shared with the world. This is the kind of venting that can only be disclosed to an absolute best friend. Someone ultimately trustworthy and sympathetic. Someone who would never even think to judge when you're so genuinely frustrated and pissed off that you wind up crying uncontrollably; still trying to talk through heaving sobs, even though it's become unintelligible. They'll just sit there and listen, and hug you, and hand you tissue after tissue.

I don't necessarily need to vent in such a way - heaving sobs and all - but I do need the solace of that kind of bond to get out what I'm thinking. I have often believed that girls (and guys too for all I know) are incapable of working out their most complicated, mind-boggling problems on their own. They can give fantastic, deep, insightful advice to their best friend when they're having issues and need to talk things out. But when they themselves are experiencing a similar situation, they are left confused and uncertain. They need another friend to talk to and work things out, to help them see things in perspective. I need that right now. I need to work out all of this crap floating around in my head. Maybe I even need a good cry.

I cannot sleep. I am pissed. I have no current means of fixing this.

FML.

Springtime, sunshine, and small towns

Spring has sprung!

This week is OGT (Ohio Graduation Test) week. This means that while all freshmen and sophomores are busily trying to remember every obscure piece of generally unimportant information that they've learned since kindergarten, upperclassmen get to sleep in and get to school at 10:30am. I checked the weather on my phone before I went to sleep last night, and it was supposed to be in the high 60's and sunny!!! So when I woke up I looked outside and sure enough, that fancy thing they like to call the sun was hangin' in the sky for all to see! I proceeded to put one of my favorite springy-time dresses and a pair of sandals and went to school.

After school I wound up with a ton of time on my hands and strolled around downtown Delaware for a while. I stopped into Beehive Books and read for a while. It was sunny, and warm, and breezy out, and I found myself going out of my way to cross the street just so I could walk in the sunshine instead of walking in the shadow of the buildings on the other side of the street. Then I went into the Mean Bean got myself a blended iced mocha and sat down to get some work done.

Now, it may have been the beautiful weather but, partway through a paragraph about Poe's use of macabre, I had an epiphany. I looked up from my notebook to the wide window in front of me, gazed out onto the intersection of William Street and Sandusky Street, and  I realized that I really like living in Delaware. While my time living in Chicago has convinced me that ultimately I'm a big-city-girl and that I can't wait to get out of Ohio, I realized that I still really like small-town-Delaware. I hate Ohio in general but Delaware is actually quite nice. I like that we have an old-fashioned movie theater, I like that we just got a cupcakery, I like that there's about a thousand antique stores on the same street. I love Beehive Books, and the pottery painting place called the Bare Bowl, I love that the Buns restaurant is still open and still has the arch out front. I love the way that all the buildings are connected, and how when you look up you notice the crazy, fancy, old-fashioned detailing that shows the history of the town.  I love that most of the buildings are made out of brick, and I love that like 50% of the sidewalks are made out of brick. I love that we are home to the birthplace of Rutherford B Hayes, so naturally we demolish the house that once stood there and build a BP station in it's place with a fancy little plaque that reads: "President Hayes Memorial". I love the Delaware Arts Festival, and the Delaware County Fair, and the Delaware Horse Parade.

While I still can't wait to get the hell out of Ohio, I discovered today that I don't entirely hate where I live. My dad was literally just talking to me about our plans to drive up to Chicago for an open house at Columbia Chicago. He was outlining a plan to drive up on Friday April 1st, after school, stay the night, go to the open house the next day and drive back that evening. I suggested that we stay one more day and drive back Sunday evening instead, so we can enjoy more time in my favorite city. I'm definitely ready to move on and live in Chicago - essentially - full time for college. But I still appreciate it here, in small-town, hick Delaware.

Happy trails, campers!

If it's Mick Jagger, run away and blow that whistle I gave you.

Why do I love Gilmore Girls so much?

I asked myself this very question just a few minutes ago, and the answer came to me right away.

They are my safety net.

The Biggest thing about the show that I connect with is that I think just like the characters do (okay, technically it's the writers, but Lorelai and Rory are real in my heart!). I'm watching the episode Concert Interruptus right now, and Rory just said - in an attempt to get Lorelai to donate clothes to a charity rummage sale, "I want you to come over here to this dresser, open the top drawer and take out everything you'd be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident."

I have often thought, while in the car, how I would hate to be in a car accident on a day that I looked like crap. I mean, what if the ER doctors are really as hot as they're portrayed on TV?! Or what if my hair looked fantastic, then I got in a car accident, then all my friends came to visit me. It would be that much more likely that my hair still looked halfway decent after the fact if it looked fantastic before the fact. Granted, ultimately I would be more concerned with getting better, and God-forbid it would ever happen in the first place, but I've thought about it before.

Gilmore Girls is also quite heavy with the snark and sarcasm. Seeing that I am fluent in both, we have reason number two.

Rory: Do something to make me hate you!
Lorelai: Um, go Hitler?
 ..........................................................................................
Rory: So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?
Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.
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Luke: Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on 'til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, "Taylor, no." And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, "How's Ted?" followed closely by, "Taylor, no."
..............................................................................................
Lorelai: Okay, so, don't wait up and remember only 2 or 3 crack heads at the most, they eat all the good cereal.

You can't not smile when you watch the show. When I've had my crappiest day I know that I can turn on Gilmore Girls and it all goes away. I've seen all 7 seasons in their entirety multiple times. Gilmore Girls never changes, it's predictable (this being the pattern with most TV shows on DVD/ reruns) and therefore it's safe. I never have any clue what going to happen in my own life, but I always know how things in the world of Gilmore will work out. Even when something crappy and horrible happens to a character in the show, like Rory's arrest for "Grand theft boating" and dropping out of Yale, because I've seen every episode so many times, I know that after 300 hours of community service and a break-up, eventually she makes peace with her mother and moves out of her grand parents' pool house.

It's a fairly realistic show, in that crap happens to people and no one's immune. When Crap happens to me, it helps to see someone else working out the crap in their life at the same time. And it helps that at the same time it has a touch of whimsy...

Kirk: If you'll just follow me, I would like to present you with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes.
Lorelai: Wow. They look very nice, Kirk.
Kirk: And whimsical. They say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile."
Lorelai: Yes, they do say that.
Kirk: And since you are one of our preferred customers, with the purchase of one of our mailboxes, I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler.
Lorelai: Wow. That's quite an offer, Kirk. But I think it's a little early to pick a mailbox. We haven't even settled on a color for the inn yet.
Kirk: Well, whimsy goes with everything.
Lorelai: Kirk, I promise, just as soon as... is that Condoleezza Rice?
Kirk: Yes, it is. I'm a fan and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in.