I think I have changed my mind. It just........happened.
Two significant things have happened in my life in the past few days, though I'm only willing to discuss one of them. The other is just too damn depressing.
Visions went to the Marysville Showcase on Saturday. This competition has a bad habit of sucking really badly. It didn't let us down this year either. Our performance effing ROCKED! We killed it so hard that we should have been freaking arrested for murder. And we still got 2nd place (small mixed division). We were 10 points behind the choir that got 1st in our division. And finals was completely bombarded by large division and women's groups. Finals consisted of the top 6 scores overall. Guess who had the 7th best score? That's right, Visions. Oh well. Life goes on right?
There are currently 4 people who know about the other significant thing that happened in my life, just yesterday. I plan on raising that number to no more than 8 people. Here's a hint, if I have never shared shoes with you, or I have never taken a dance class with you, then you aren't in the club. Sorry. Okay, just kidding, I'm not really sorry. But I am somewhat pissed. And slightly irked.
On to the changing of mind. I don't know if I want to major in musical theatre. I think I might want to major in dance. I was slightly afraid this would happen. It did. My parents don't even know about this decision yet. If you weren't in the other limited-information club, take comfort in knowing that I am currently, quite possibly unwisely, spilling my guts about this new-found realization. You are the first to know.
Who am I kidding. I am aware of 3 people who have ever read this blog, yet I type as if I'm speaking to the masses. Wishful thinking. Everyone would like to think that someone in the world gives a flying shit about their life, and their opinions, and their thoughts, and their aspirations. In the depths of my soul I feel as though I am bound for greatness, and held back by the mediocrity, and settling-for-average lives and events around me.
This is why I started this blog. That last sentence of that last paragraph? Yeah, I typed it, then deleted it, then re-typed it, then deleted it, before re-re-typing it and forcing myself to move on. I just don't share crap like that with people. I'm loud, and obnoxious, and I talk way too much without thinking first. People like that (like me) always seem like they show the world everything about them, because they make it seem like they don't feel a need to hide anything. Or at least that's my impression of other people like me. If it even made sense. But I have a limit. Three people know everything about me. If you think you're one of them, then you're not. If you know you're one of them, then you know who the other two are too.
This whole blogging thing is supposed to be about "self-growth" as cheesy as that sounds. I'm actually trying to improve my life by not keeping as much bottled up. Maybe it'll make me less sarcastic. Not likely. Maybe it's just a way for me to not resort to punching a goddamned wall. More likely.
I didn't really expect this post about mind-changing and show choir competitions to morph into a self-analytical rant. Whatever. Apathy seems to be working right now, so I'm just going with it.
Let's all drink a toast to Apathy. Or don't. Whatever.
I just hope my parents don't kill me when I tell them I've changed my mind.
First of all, when did you get to be such a freaking awesome writer? You are hilarious and insightful. Nice job, Padawan.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, Mom and Dad won't kill you for changing your mind about what you want to study. It's a little inconvenient at this point, but that's life. Totally manageable, even if it's not immediately manageable.